[U]nless you're a kid who thinks this sort of thing is edgy and cool – hey, we were all young and dumb once – your $22 is better spent elsewhere.
Where Mario Golf World Tour hits the sweet spot is in its online modes, which range from private match-ups with your friends to scheduled international tournaments. There's a lot of variety and flexibility here, it's just a shame that it comes at the cost of a more fully fleshed-out solo mode, lacking the kind of deep, addictive hooks that a golf game should have.
Fury Road was a big, expensive, risky film that paid off because of the irrepressible will and talent of its director, George Miller. In video game form, Mad Max lacks that same kind of originality and danger. It's familiar and formulaic, competent but rarely exceptional. This Max could have used a little more madness.
Just make sure your Wii Remotes have those rubber cushion thingies on them before you play. Less chance of someone getting "accidentally" injured.
Gladiator may have won Oscars, but Ryse is much more like the movie 300 – nice to look at, mindless and silly at times, and the kind of experience you'll probably forget as soon as the credits roll.
A new face and name certainly brings a sense of freshness to Rory McIlroy PGA Tour, but the novelty isn't enough to make up for the lack of content. While there's a decent game of golf here, it won't be occupying the top of the leaderboard any time soon.
Splatoon is a lively, vibrant, clever game that turns the shooter genre on its ear, and in the early going it's a blast to play. But unless Nintendo can quickly adapt to the fluid nature of these sorts of games and ensure it remains fun for all types of players, it might not find the long-term audience it deserves. Like a beautiful coat of paint on a wall that wasn't properly primed, the cracks are already beginning to show.
The game allows for user-created mods, and downloading new levels and tweaks might give this kid some extra legs. But I suspect most players will have a few hours of fun and then file this game away as an occasional novelty to pull out when they're especially bored, drunk or just need to give their goat a good thrashing. That's not a euphemism. Probably.
All this being said, Thief is ultimately worth playing, especially for fans of the stealth genre. It hearkens back to the things that made the original games of the late '90s and early '00s so intense and enjoyable, while offering a wealth of settings and options that cater to a wide range of players. If you can forgive the game's rough edges and its lack of a unique vision, Thief might just rob you of a dozen or two hours without you even noticing.
Ground Zeroes probably won't alienate fans of the series, and in terms of giving players a taste of what to expect in the as-yet-undated Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, it delivers. But between its poor value proposition and its jarring darkness, it's not likely to make Snake and company any new friends.
And unlike Ripley, you can always hit the power button if things get too scary.
We need more game developers and publishers willing to gamble on made-from-scratch worlds and ideas, but The Order: 1886 feels like it might have fared better as a film, graphic novel or TV series. As a game, there's just not enough propping up this shining suit of armour.
Now that I've returned to the world of Castle Wolfenstein [by finishing Old Blood], I'll definitely pull my copy of Wolfenstein: The New Order off the shelf and give it a go. And I suspect – or at least hope – it will be a little more fulfilling.
I suspect the next major Far Cry instalment will return to the modern day, but I'd love to see Ubisoft continue experimenting with the franchise from time to time. Primal doesn't quite discover the secret to fire, but it's an entertaining blast to the very distant past.
It's like an adults-only Scooby-Doo mystery with blood, swearing and sphincter-clenching scares. Only the good kinds of fear.
Quantum Break is an innovative new direction for interactive storytelling, and with the ending leaving things wide open for more, I hope Remedy does a sequel to this innovative hybrid of a show and a game. I just hope the next one offers more to do with the time we're given.
I think die-hard Halo fans will love Halo 5: Guardians, as it's a game made almost exclusively with them in mind. The rest of us might find ourselves a little lost, a bit let down and wistful for an old horizon that once reached for the heavens.
Black Ops III tries hard to freshen the Call of Duty formula, and it's clear a lot of time and money went into creating the game. But other than the online multiplayer component, which should keep the faithful occupied for a few months, it's just slick, disposable entertainment, easily consumed and instantly forgotten. Then again, who am I to talk?
Make no mistake, Star Wars Battlefront is the best-looking Star Wars game ever made, full of fanboy-pleasing attention to detail in its sights, sounds and action. But its charms fade quickly, and in a month's time – when we finally see Luke, Leia and Han on the big screen again – it could be mostly forgotten.
Massive Chalice's personality and ingenuity ultimately win out over its shortcomings, and it's certainly worth a try for strategy fans who don't want anything too ponderous or serious. But its cup does not, as they say, runneth over.