Jordan Hawes


89 games reviewed
71.9 average score
75 median score
53.9% of games recommended
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Jun 2, 2022

Postal 4: No Regerts is a game that just couldn’t catch my attention even as someone who like dumb dirty humor and outlandish gameplay ideas. Its biggest failure is simply not being interesting and having decent jokes or at least more gameplay sections like the cat part. I know it tries to have some political commentary in here, but honestly it always falls flat.

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Oct 19, 2023

Survivor: Castaway Island feels like a cash grab title banking on the popular franchise name of Survivor. Considering this is even just a reskin of their previous game, with even less content, it feels even more soulless. The gameplay is dated, the visuals aren’t pleasing, and there just isn’t any fun to be had from any of this game. Much like all the characters on the island, Survivor: Castaway Island lacks any real personality.

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3 / 10.0 - Open Country
Jun 10, 2021

I was really excited for Open Country and was hoping it would bridge that gap between arcade hunting and hunting sim. In spirit, this is what it set out to do and you can see that from the game. It’s just a shame that the execution just isn’t there. There is still something special here that I think hunting and survival game fans could love. However, it needs a lot of work from bugs, crashes, and overall balancing of its gameplay systems.

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3.5 / 10.0 - PAW Patrol World
Sep 29, 2023

While I can appreciate the direction of making PAW Patrol World an open world adventure, there just isn’t a lot going on for it. I loved the idea that it sold me on with it being a co-op adventure and working together with unique abilities… it’s just unfortunate that there’s nothing unique about the gameplay at all. There are no different mini-games or activities that require different thinking or gameplay, it’s just always the same bland QTE.

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Oct 19, 2020

The Walking Dead Onslaught is not the type of licensed game that ended up surprising me. Nor was it so bad that it ended up being an endearing cheesy experience I could laugh at and have fun with. Unfortunately, it’s an uninspired title that even lacks the depth of its fellow The Walking Dead VR games.

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4 / 10.0 - UltraGoodness 2
Feb 21, 2021

You can blow through this whole game in a couple hours and there is no reason to go back. In fact, you can platinum this game by level seven of world one.

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Jun 12, 2023

Farming Simulator 23 was clearly made for mobile in mind for the good, but mostly bad. While I can accept cut backs in complex physics and streamlined processes to make playing on a phone easier, removing a ton of the customization and economy options I don’t feel is worth that trade.

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4.5 / 10.0 - Gleamlight
Oct 7, 2020

Gleamlight is a game that could be something great, but squanders it at every turn. It’s on the right track by taking inspiration from a couple of great games, unfortunately, it never comes close to matching them. There is no purpose to the game conveyed through tone, music, characters, or text that will urge you to continue. If I had not been reviewing this, thus feeling obligated to flesh out the game, I would have stopped after the first forty-five minute run-through.

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Oct 20, 2021

Rover Mechanic Simulator does have a theme that interests me and I really like the idea of fixing things like Mars rovers. Unfortunately, there are just too many aspects that turn that simplistic Zen gameplay into a chore.

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Mar 9, 2023

Peak Blinders: The King’s Ransom gave me a few brief moments that made me smile with happiness, being within that world and its characters. Although, much of that is only because of the things that are ripped right from the show. Unfortunately, it’s every where else that it fails. The boring general gameplay and the one note gunplay wasn’t fun, and it left me with a sour taste, even during the ceremony joining the Peaky Blinders and getting my hat.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Choo-Choo Charles
Jan 13, 2023

Choo-Choo Charles is a hard one to review since everything but Charles is lacking that polish in design, animation, and certain mechanics. However, it is still done well enough to stay engaging to get you to the fun moments. There aren’t any performance issues or glitches I ran into either. With its bad character models and some silly side missions, Choo-Choo Charles is simultaneously silly and scary. At one point you’ll be collecting pickles, and the next you’ll be in a heart pounding fight with a demon train engine with spider legs.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Session: Skate Sim
Dec 9, 2022

Session: Skate Sim is one of the most rage inducing games I have ever played, and not because I didn’t want to try and learn to get better. It simply felt like overcomplication just for the sake of it. The inputs make sense, what they show on the trick sheet make sense, but it just doesn’t translate into the game.

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5.5 / 10.0 - XEL
Aug 2, 2022

At the end of the day, XEL is a game that is competent, has some good ideas, and enough gameplay elements to keep you playing. The sound design is well done and I do enjoy the simplistic art direction and its bright, popping color pallet. Unfortunately, it’s a game that just needed more time in the oven to hammer out the bugs and glitches that really hold this back. There are some good ideas here, but the annoyances almost outweighed what it does do well.

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DEEEER Simulator is by no means a well put together game. It lacks polish, optimization, and animations. Its content is random, short, and its levels aren’t huge. However, there is something charming and fun about it. Its over-the-top and outrageous ideas, designs, and activities give you plenty of “WTF” moments. These moments of stupid fun are here, even if they don’t last all that long.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Rustler
Sep 9, 2021

Rustler is a game that I was really hoping for would be some stupid fun, and for the most part it nails that first part. There are some moments that made me chuckle, especially with the Monty Python stuff, but majority of it fell short. I just wish the overall gameplay had some more depth and the mission structure had more fun. There are some decent ideas here, I just feel like I was watching a comedian flop on stage and I was getting bored.

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Aug 17, 2021

Mowing can be relaxing at times, however, with the annoying engine throttling and no speed control I found it more frustrating than therapeutic.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Lust From Beyond
Mar 17, 2021

There is actually a decent amount of effort put in here even if it all didn’t land well with me. I did really enjoy the sections with Lusst’ghaa and the erotic sex parts didn’t seem over the top. In fact, the gore sections are what I thought could be toned down on. A lot of those sections felt like forced shock value and that type of horror doesn’t gel with me as well.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Bright Memory
Nov 11, 2020

The fact this was accomplished form a single person is enough to be impressed by. As a tech demo, this is spectacular, however, this is being sold as a game for $8 on the MS store, and it is not worth the asking price. Playing this did get me more interested for the upcoming Bright Memory Infinite, but be aware that you’re paying for a 30 minute teaser.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Serious Sam 4
Sep 25, 2020

Honestly, it hurts me to have to give this game such a bashing, because I do enjoy the series. There are some good things about Serious Sam 4, and some fun moments. Unfortunately, it mostly feels uninspired in its overall design. However, what really kills the experience is the severe lack of polish and quality control presented here. This needs more time in the oven and that is why even if you’re a fan, I suggest you wait on more patches.

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5.5 / 10.0 - Hunting Simulator 2
Jul 8, 2020

Hunting Simulator 2 unfortunately misses the majority of feelings that come with actual hunting. With cumbersome systems, clunky gameplay, unbalanced currency system, and no dynamic day/night cycle, Hunting Simulator 2 feels like a test of patience in the wrong way, that ultimately does not pay off.

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