The Jimquisition
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Killer Klowns from Outer Space is just another intellectually lazy application of a horror movie license. Well done game, you made murderous space clowns boring… that’s one hell of an achievement.
How fucking dare Star Wars: Hunters? I really hope it becomes yet another “service” game that’s been shut down in less than a year. It deserves to be burned to nothing.
Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 can be a mentally taxing experience by design, especially if one already has their own litany of mental health struggles. It is a necessary part of a game that explores its themes touchingly and tastefully, a beautiful and astoundingly stylish production. Like its predecessor, the presentation outstrips the gameplay, which suffers from repetition and a lack of escalation or variety. It’s a damn fine thing in totality though, one well worth digging into.
Indika is a treasure of a game, an adventure that truly defies expectations. Constantly surprising and laudably bold in its subject matter, this story of a questioning nun and the devil in her head is among the best things I’ve ever played. A little dash of jank does nothing to take away what this game is - a landmark of strange and fascinating storytelling.
If you’ve been frustrated by the state of some retro horrors, or even if you haven’t, this is a fine addition to the genre that deserves to be ranked highly among the modern examples. Aside from those bastard traps, it’s a damn good bit of body horror.
It’s the kind of nonsense I’m just incredibly happy to see exist in the world, and the possibilities it offers for potential future games set in this universe has me on the hook.
Stellar Blade is at war with itself in a conflict between style and substance. Sadly, style wins with merciless regularity, but there’s a strong core of genuinely good gameplay fighting through an ocean of bells and whistles. Finally, let us never forget: titanic titties, one caked up ass, and thighs that could feed the five thousand.
Although far from the highest quality Soulslike, Another Crab’s Treasure is an original, intensely likable one. Its sharp script is backed up with a fun gameplay conceit, wrapped up in a package with a whole lot of character. We did the whole review without a shell pun either, so that's also a positive point!
All the way down, the theme of “not enough” pervades Princess Peach: Showtime! The costumes Peach wears look cute but their gimmicks are limited both in terms of their abilities and the game’s implementation of them. The lack of imagination is unbecoming of Nintendo, and it’s a real shame because Peach deserves a much better game. It’s like nobody’s heart was in the making of this, and while there are some entertaining moments, Showtime! simply has very little to show for itself.
Rise of Ronin really likes its players, and that’s what I love most about it. While its world features a lot of busywork, it’s also a joy to explore thanks to how easy and versatile movement is. An enthralling combat system openly traces the best of Sekiro and Nioh, serving the extract in a more accessible fashion with a huge variety of ways to fight. While co-op is restrictive, it’s still really funny to go online and turn bosses into confetti, plus you can run a cat rental service.
Dragon’s Dogma 2 is outwardly hostile to its audience, embracing everything that made the original such a hassle to enjoy. A game designed with the purpose of wasting a player’s time, which makes Capcom’s “time saver” microtransactions all the more sickening. It’s a glorified xerox that you will adore if you believe Dragon’s Dogma was literally perfect when it released in 2012 and absolutely none of the progress within games development in the past twelve years meant one fucking thing. Indeed, if your idea of a good time is having a terrible time, you’ll love this malignant resurrection of ideas and implementations that should have stayed long dead.
My opinion doesn’t matter. For better or worse, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth is going to be whatever it wants to be, and what it wants to be is anything it damn well pleases. Against all common sense, that audacity absolutely works, and I can’t wait to see how the next game gloriously screws things up.
I was pleasantly surprised, especially given the series’ ignoble history to this point, to find 2024’s Alone in the Dark is actually really enjoyable. While not the most polished or visually impressive game, it’s a charming one that goes out of its way to pay tribute to the original trilogy with its survival horror elements and shameless lore dumps. An effectively spooky presentation, violent enemies, and clever puzzles round out the package, making this the first Alone in the Dark game since the 1990s to be an Alone in the Dark game.
While the strictly defined horror gameplay might not keep one hooked for hours-long sessions, The Outlast Trials’ style and atmosphere is worth several return journeys. It makes very few changes to the series’ usual stealthy scariness, yet the inclusion of three other players makes for a breezy version that’s pretty damn entertaining. Be aware that playing it alone makes everything take four times longer and isn’t particularly fun, but with even just one more player, some torture porny fun can be had.
Pacific Drive is one of those amazing games that I’ve fallen in love with despite it doing so much I’m inclined to loathe. It’s brilliant in its externalization of survival gameplay with a car that acts perfectly in its dual role of burden and bearer. Its humor, style, and a luxury assortment of modifier settings have kept me spellbound. I can paint my car pink. Game of the year contender.
Helldivers 2 struggles to appeal after stripping out so much of what made its prequel memorable, and if that’s all that was wrong with it I’d be sadly grateful. Miserably, it’s such a wreck of a product that it spends significant amounts of time in a near-unplayable state while the rest of the time is typified by frequent crashes and other technical difficulties. You're supposed to expect a certain level of quality in a Sony-published game, and Helldivers 2 is a reminder that such expectations are naive as all fuck.
There are so many of these bloody games on the market now, all vying for attention, all doing the same thing, and none of them doing enough of anything good. This is just one in a line of flimsy “service” games, light on original content but plenty heavy on microtransactions. Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League has its moments of messy fun, but those moments are entrenched between gulfs of numbingly inane “looter shooter” nonsense.
Turnip Boy Robs a Bank is a very good thing. Adorable, silly, and quite funny indeed, this roguelite might be a big genre shift from its predecessor but it’s just as lovable. It hurries itself along a bit too much, but the fast pace of gameplay and swift progress at least ensures it never gets dull.
The “remastering” is of highly questionable value and the extra content is weak. No Return is a cheaply recycled and tawdry take on roguelite gameplay, while the Lost Levels were lost for a reason. Worse, such additions hammer a final nail into the coffin of this game’s creative ambition, definitively invalidating an already flimsy story with the kind of combat-focused experiences that communicate only one thing to the player - violent videogames are cool.
Gangs of Sherwood surprised me by rolling its credits a few short hours after starting, but it wasn’t the brevity I found surprising - it was the fact people were willing to attach their names to what they’d done. As much as I believe in due credit, if I’d have been involved with this game I’d have asked to remain anonymous.