ProfessorHatch Death Stranding Review

Death Stranding is the game that dares to ask: “What if delivering packages was the most profound experience of your life?” Hideo Kojima, in his infinite wisdom, turned a mundane job into a philosophical journey where players can literally pee on the ground to grow mushrooms. Yes, you heard that right—urine mechanics! Who knew that playing as Sam Porter Bridges would feel like an existential crisis wrapped in a delivery service? The game’s stunning landscapes are breathtaking, but good luck navigating them without tripping over your own cargo like a toddler learning to walk. It’s the "Gran Turismo of walking simulators," where even the slightest incline can send you tumbling down a cliff, clutching your precious cargo like it’s your last hope in a post-apocalyptic world. Kojima's vision is so ambitious that it makes you question if you’re playing a video game or participating in an elaborate performance art piece about logistics. So, if you've ever wanted to experience the thrill of carrying a stack of boxes across a desolate wasteland while pondering life’s meaning, Death Stranding is your ticket to absurdity! Pros: • Unrivaled expertise in virtual package handling • Opportunity to pee on demand and grow emoji mushrooms • Monster Energy Drink survives the apocalypse (phew!) • Chance to name your bodily excretion grenades Cons: • May cause severe existential crises about the nature of connection • High risk of developing an unhealthy obsession with balancing cargo • Potential to ruin all other walking simulators for you forever • Side effects include chronic BB addiction and ladder placement anxiety