PsychoCarbo Stardew Valley Review

9/10 Review at the end! If you have a real life that you value, run away, RUN TO THE HILLS, FORGET THIS GAME. Otherwise, if your life is sad, monotonous, empty and meaningless, welcome to your new and wonderful life! ---{ Graphics }--- ☐ DaVinci created a new reality ☐ You forget what reality is ☐ Red Dead Redemption II ☑ Byutiful ☐ Good ☐ Decent ☐ Don't look at it for too long ☐ Bad ☐ Atari ☐ Tamagotchi ---{ PC Requirements }--- ☐ Your PC runs Paint? ☑ Potato ☐ Decent ☐ Fast ☐ Rich boy ☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer ---{ Story }--- ☐ Story? What story? ☐ One word. Pewpewpew! Three words. Pew pew! ☐ Something with a bit of a story ☐ Average ☑ Good ☐ Beautiful! ☐ Isabel Allende, Machado de Assis, and Tolkien joined forces to write it ☐ It will replace your life ---{ Gameplay }--- ☐ "I know kugfu!" ☐ Excellent! ☑ Good ☐ Mehh ☐ Instead, watch the paint dry ☐ Just... no ☐ Smash your hand with a hammer, it's funnier ---{ Grind }--- ☐ You'll need a second life to grind ☑ Grindmaniac ☐ Medium level grind ☐ Only if you care about achievements ☐ No grind needed ---{ Difficulty }--- ☐ Just press 'W' ☑ Easy ☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☐ Significant brain use ☐ Hard without a brain ☐ What's your IQ? ☐ Dark Souls ☐ Hawking joined with Neil deGrasse Tyson to create a time machine and thus find Einstein and Tesla to create this game. ---{ Hours of Gameplay }--- ☐ Enough time for a cup of coffee ☐ Short ☐ Medium ☐ Long ☐ You start, your grandchild finishes ☑ To infinity and beyond! ---{ Replay } --- ☐ Once is enough ☐ Only if you're aiming for achievements ☐ After a few months... Years... Mods... ☐ With DLCs it's worth it ☐ You'd better have time to waste ☑ Well... You didn't need a life anyway! ---{ Bugs }--- ☑ Never heard of them ☐ Small glitches ☐ Can be annoying ☐ You'll curse... ☐ ARK: Survival Evolved ☐ The game itself is a great bug breeding ground ---{ Multiplayer } --- ☐ No multiplayer ☐ LAN ☐ Says it has it, but it'll blow up your PC if you try ☐ There it is... a lonely, forgotten desert ☑ Meh, it's kind of fun ☐ Solo mission? What? ☐ Basically an MMO ---{ Audio }--- ☐ Audiorgasmic ☑ Very good ☐ Good ☐ Acceptable ☐ Ruim ☐ I'm deaf now ---{ Audience }--- ☐ Children ☐ Teenagers ☐ Adults ☐ Grandma ☑ Everyone ---{ Price }--- ☐ Not available on Steam anymore ☐ It's free! ☑ The price is fair ☐ If it's on sale ☐ If you have some money to spare ☐ Not recommended ☐ You might as well just burn your money ---{ 9 / 10 }--- ☐ 1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☑ 9 ☐ 10 Stardew Valley is a game that since its launch has needed no introduction. I just started playing it now, but I've heard so much about it and it has won so many awards that it is a milestone in the world of games. And it's not easy! By the way, at the beginning, it's quite deceiving. When I finally decided to give this work of art a chance and started playing, I didn't see the point, it even annoyed me! "There's no way a meaningless little game, like a 2D copy of Minecraft, has won over so many people." Oh, if I had only known... I was so wrong, so so wrong! Once the game gets you, you're done! Forget about your life! I don't want to spoil the experience, but there's so much to do, it's so cute, it's so cool, that you don't get bored and the hours just fly by. And that's precisely why I'm uninstalling the game right now, because it's stopping me from trying out other games on my long list. If I don't, I fear the worst... In fact, if you value your life, run away, RUN TO THE HILLS AND FORGET THIS GAME. But if your life is empty and meaningless, welcome, here is a meaning made just for it. Highly, highly recommended!