PsychoCarbo Resident Evil 7 Biohazard Review

WHAT-ON-EARTH WAS THAT...? I WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED! 10/10 Final score at the end! ---{ Graphics }--- ☑ DaVinci created a new reality ☐ You forget what reality is ☐ Red Dead Redemption II ☐ Biutchyful ☐ Decent ☐ Don’t look at it for too long ☐ Bad ☐ Atari ☐ Tamagotchi ---{ PC Requirements }--- ☐ Can your PC run Paint? ☐ Potato ☐ Decent ☐ Fast ☑ High-end beast ☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer ---{ Story }--- ☐ Story? What story? ☐ One word. Pewpewpew! Three words. Pew pew! ☐ Some talking ☐ Average ☐ Good ☑ Beautiful! ☐ Isabel Allende, Machado de Assis and Tolkien teamed up to write it ☐ It will replace your life ---{ Gameplay }--- ☐ Excellent! ☑ Good ☐ Nice, but you can play with two fingers ☐ Mehh ☐ Might as well watch paint dry ☐ Not at all ☐ Smash your hand with a hammer, it’s more fun ---{ Grind }--- ☑ Not needed ☑ Only if you care about achievements ☐ Not needed to progress ☐ Average grind ☐ Heavy grind ☐ You’ll need a second life to grind ---{ Difficulty }--- ☐ Just press “W” ☐ Easy ☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☑ Requires real thinking ☑ Hard ☐ Dark Souls ---{ Game Time }--- ☐ Enough for a cup of coffee ☐ Short ☑ Medium ☐ Long ☐ You start it, your grandson finishes it ☐ To infinity and beyond! ---{ Replay } --- ☐ One time is enough ☐ Only for achievements ☑ After a few months… years… mods… ☑ Worth it with DLCs ☐ You’d better have time to waste ☐ Well… you didn’t need a life anyway! ---{ Bugs }--- ☑ Never heard of any ☐ Minor bugs ☐ Can be annoying ☐ ARK: Survival Evolved ☐ Cyberpunk 2022 ☐ The game itself is a bug farm ---{ Multiplayer } --- ☑ No multiplayer ☐ LAN ☐ Says it has one, but it’ll blow up your PC ☐ A lonely desert ☐ Meh, it’s okay ☐ Solo mission? What? ☐ Basically an MMO ---{ Audio }--- ☑ Incredible ☐ Very good ☐ Good ☐ Acceptable ☐ Bad ☐ I’m deaf now ---{ Audience }--- ☐ Kids ☑ Teenagers ☑ Adults ☑ Grandma ☐ Everyone ---{ Price }--- ☐ No longer available on Steam ☐ Free! ☑ Fair price ☐ On sale ☐ If you have spare money ☐ Not recommended ☐ You could just burn your money ---{ 10 / 10 }--- ☐ 1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☑ 10 SO, AFTER THE LAST TWO “OFFICIAL” GAMES IN THE FRANCHISE BEING FULL OF ACTION AND SHOOTING, CAPCOM COMES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH… THIS??? What kind of slap in the face was that??? I’m still processing it. Honestly, this is the FIRST time in hundreds and hundreds of hours of gaming that a game made me feel nauseous and gave me a headache! And no, it’s not because it’s disgusting, or because of the first-person view — there are games that go much further in that regard. It’s about how this environment is built, how everything oppresses you, how this masterpiece gets into your head. I seriously doubted I would be able to finish it, and it took real effort. I think I just rediscovered my limit for horror games. I’ve already been told that if this one affected me this much, I should stay far away from Outlast (I own both) and Visage. How do I even continue this review? Well, if it pushed me this far, even as a noob, it means the story, atmosphere, mechanics, graphics, sound — everything is at its peak. And that’s exactly why this was a true love-hate experience: I simply cannot give this anything less than a 10, but at the same time, it affected me so much that I can’t say it’s my favorite Resident Evil… since there was barely any “fun” in the traditional sense. Or maybe it was just pure masochism. Apparently, Resident Evil 7 is already known as the scariest game in the franchise, and I’m writing this review right after the release of Resident Evil 9 Requiem. Good to know. So, from my perspective as a noob: yes, I recommend this game. But be careful, do your research before jumping in. It has absolutely nothing to do with the previous experiences in the franchise. What a game… what a GAME. Now I’m going, with a lot of hesitation, to play the DLCs… but first, I need to change my underwear.