PsychoCarbo Resident Evil 6 Review

Michael B. Bay must have written this... 06/10 Review at the end! ---{ Graphics }--- ☐ DaVinci created a new reality ☐ You forget what reality is ☐ Red Dead Redemption II ☐ Biutchyful ☑ Decent ☐ Don’t look for too long ☐ Bad ☐ Atari ☐ Tamagotchi ---{ PC Requirements }--- ☐ Can your PC run Paint? ☐ Potato ☐ Decent ☑ Fast ☐ Rich Cow ☐ Ask NASA if they have an extra computer ---{ Story }--- ☐ Story? What story? ☐ One word. Pewpewpew! Three words. Pew pew! ☐ A bit of chatter ☐ Average ☑ Good ☐ Beautiful! ☐ Isabel Allende, Machado de Assis, and Tolkien teamed up to write it ☐ It will replace your life ---{ Gameplay }--- ☐ Excellent! ☐ Good ☐ Fun, but playable with two fingers ☑ Meh ☐ Watch paint dry instead ☐ Not really ☐ Smash your hand with a hammer, it’s funnier ---{ Grind }--- ☑ Not necessary ☑ Only if you care about achievements ☐ Not required to progress ☐ Medium grind ☐ Grind-addict ☐ You’ll need a second life to grind ---{ Difficulty }--- ☐ Just press 'W' ☑ Easy ☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☐ Significant brain usage ☐ Hard ☐ Dark Souls ---{ Playtime }--- ☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee ☐ Short ☑ Medium ☐ Long ☐ You start, your grandson finishes ☐ To infinity and beyond! ---{ Replay }--- ☑ Once is enough ☑ Only if you’re going for achievements ☐ After a few months… Years… Mods… ☐ Worth it with DLCs ☐ Better have time to waste ☐ Well… you didn’t need a life anyway! ---{ Bugs }--- ☐ Never heard of ☑ Minor glitches ☐ Can be annoying ☐ ARK: Survival Evolved ☐ Cyberpunk 2022 ☐ The game itself is a giant bug nursery ---{ Multiplayer }--- ☐ No multiplayer ☐ LAN ☐ Says it has, but your PC will explode if you try ☐ Here it is… A lonely, forgotten desert ☑ Meh, actually kind of fun ☐ Solo mission? What? ☐ Basically an MMO ---{ Audio }--- ☐ Audio-orgasmic ☐ Very good ☐ Good ☑ Acceptable ☐ Bad ☐ I’m deaf now ---{ Audience }--- ☐ Kids ☑ Teens ☑ Adults ☑ Grandma ☐ Everyone ---{ Price }--- ☐ No longer available on Steam ☐ Free! ☑ Fair price ☑ If it’s on sale ☑ If you have some spare cash ☐ Not recommended ☐ You could also just burn your money ---{ 06 / 10 }--- ☐ 1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☑ 6 ☐ 7 ☐ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10 Okay. They kept trying to make a GoW or CoD… Or better said, they wanted to make an action movie directed by Michael Bay, that’s the only explanation! Well, let’s go. I have to admit I started this episode with a lot of bad will, after learning it was a new version of 5, which I hated. I planned to just do one of the four main stories, Leon’s, and get a summary of the others so I wouldn’t miss anything important. But… In the end, whether we like it or not, they managed to take the very few things that worked in 5 and improve them, while making the rest better. Let me explain: first, we leave the African continent—I don’t know if it was intentional, but at least the racist cliché is gone. And that is very important. Second, they clearly wanted to make real action. So, no spoilers, they went all-in on that. In other words, if you play as if it weren’t a Resident Evil… surprise, the game becomes fun. And it took me a while to admit it. It was fun enough that once I stopped expecting a typical franchise game, I played all four main stories. Never say never, right? Of course, the game is not without criticism, even considering it as an action game and “pure cinema.” For example, sometimes it tries, in total failure, to implement stealth mechanics. Guys, focus on what they managed to do. They shoot everywhere and miss more than they hit. Another awful point is the chase sequences, extremely poorly programmed… And now, MINI SPOILER: … One of the main stories, precisely that of our goddess Ada Wong, was the most boring of the four. How do you take the best character in the franchise and totally ruin her? Anyway, to summarize: the story is worth it, there are even a few good plot twists. BUT, to appreciate it, you have to forget it’s a Resident Evil and play it as a highly interactive cinematic action game. And even then, there are several flaws, sometimes heavy ones. So something mediocre, but necessary for my journey through all REs in chronological order. And now, Resident Evil 7, here I go! But why first-person? I’m going to die of fear, ayay.