Samuel Guglielmo's Reviews
I’ve played games that I would call “not fun” in the past. Somehow, Milanoir is a whole massive leap beyond that. My first and most overwhelming thought is that this is one of the games the devil makes you play for committing one of the seven deadly sins. I don’t know, pride maybe. The fact that so many indie games can look at Hotline Miami and pull all the wrong lessons from it continues to baffle.
The game I played is an absolute technical disaster that barely runs. New elements haphazardly pop up with no consideration on how to fit them into the gameplay. Basics such as storytelling take a massive leap backward. Dynasty Warriors 9 isn't just bad. This is a Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 level series killer.
Sudden Strike 4 barely manages to work on even a basic level, with so many glitches constantly stopping my game. If there were no glitches and if there was a working control scheme then maybe, just maybe, Sudden Strike 4 would be a totally average World War 2 RTS that doesn't really stand out in any way. In its current state, it's just a horrid mess.
At several times while playing RollerCoaster Tycoon Joyride, I became convinced I died and this was my personal hell. In a world where we thought the worst RollerCoaster Tycoon game had already shipped, Joyride shows up to claim that spot.
The Quiet Man is an absolute disaster of ideas that don't work, bad design decisions, boring combat, ugly graphics, and attempting to use a real disability as a gimmick in a way that feels borderline insulting.
Gene Rain is a combination of so many terrible elements that at times it's genuinely, completely, baffling. At one point a character says "Existence has long been considered the only value in humans." I'm not sure I agree with him, because the other value in humans is their ability to not play Gene Rain.
Farnham Fables' second episode has boring gameplay and a story that lacks anything related to an interesting conflict. It also has a strange soundtrack that cuts in and out to make random noises. Above all else, it has scenes that made me feel so uncomfortable that I genuinely believe it's time we have a chat with God about starting over as a species. We clearly don't deserve our sentience.
If something can go wrong in Rollercoaster Dreams, it does. This is a game that attempts every gameplay idea it can and messes them up one by one without fail. There are no dreams here, only nightmares.
Somehow not even getting the basics of a free to play city builder right, Big City Stories is easily one of the worst releases of 2016.
Having zero redeeming qualities is the best compliment I can give Overlord: Fellowship of Evil. It is, without a doubt, the worst video game I have ever played in my life and the only reason I'm not giving it a 0 is because, technically, it runs.
Scrat’s Nutty Adventure thinks kids are stupid and will just accept trash because they know the squirrel from the movies. Your kid deserves better.
Devil's Hunt is absolutely awful. A barely functional, extremely boring, completely nonsensical character action game.
Drowning's story starts boring, if relatable, and ends on a note that left me baffled. I don't know what the intent was, but this isn't going anywhere good.
Dark Legion is generic at best. At worst it makes no sense, has mechanics that aren't explained, some absolutely ugly graphics, inconsistent art, and sound effects that are either annoying or stolen.
Bravo Team has a barebones story, glitchy gameplay, boring combat, brain-dead AI, terrible stealth, and more issues than I could possibly list in a single review summary box. This team needs to be retired.
Metropolis: Lux Obscura combines boring gameplay with a story that genuinely feels both racist and sexist. It's not a great combination.
When Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back is at its best, the words I would use to describe it include "soulless", "mediocre", and "annoying". Somehow the game is rarely at its best, leading to a total disaster.
Soul Dimension Episode 0 starts off its episodic series with nearly everything wrong. The story is nonsense, the game lacks any sort of fun gameplay, and it's over in less than a half hour. At least the name keeps making me laugh.
Heroes of the Seven Seas is boring to play, has a nonsensical story that borders on racism, ugly graphics, and terrible voice acting. Don't waste your money or time.
Divide is an early contender for the worst releases of 2017, thanks to its largely boring story conveyed through awful voice acting, gameplay that can't handle most basics in an effective way, goals that boil down to "wander around until you figure out how to advance", and a ton of glitches. At least the soundtrack is really good.