The Jimquisition
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Now if they’d just let me wear the cool full-face masks with the cool helmets instead of making me pick. The enemies can have both, why can’t I, you cowards?
Enjoyment can be finely sliced off of ARC Raiders like edible shreds from a doner kebab smeared in shit. That these slivers are entirely dependent on its players is hardly a triumph of the base experience, which is generally boring, flavorless, and lacking much of a point. If not for one intensely fragile hook, this is a sub-mundane peashooting box breacher that, despite a lack of originality or quality gameplay, still needed help from an algorithm.
The audacity of this exploitative cash-in is honestly quite disgusting. At least Ekans is in it.
The word “slop” has recently been overused to the point of death, and that’s a shame, because I’d very much like to call Double Dragon Revive slop. It baffles me how you can put out something this ugly and unenjoyable without attaching an apology to it instead of a price tag, but that's videogames for you.
I’m someone who has a lot of fun playing with balls, so you can take it as high praise when I say Ball x Pit’s been some of the best fun I’ve had with a handful of orbs this year. Combining a block breaker with a survive ‘em up is brilliant, the pinball city building is a giggle, and the inventiveness that runs throughout the entire production is utterly brilliant.
In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if Supergiant could make a sequel that did such an impressive game as Hades justice. I had doubts that any developer could match such an insurmountable creation. Hades II isn’t more than a match, but it's absolutely worthy of standing alongside it.
Mafia: The Old Country could easily have been phoned in but the effort is evident - it sincerely does its best, and its best is good enough. Will it make a huge mark on history? Unlikely. Is its “pseudopen” world a vestigial albatross? Absolutely. Did I enjoy it? Perfectly adequately.
At the end of the day, you can be an eggy robot if you want, and isn’t that what’s important?
On a personal note, it’s really nice to see this series improve as it has over time. Despite being a vocal critic of its shortcomings, I want to love Dying Light, and if this represents where future games are going, I may just get what I’m hoping for.
Borderlands could have done with a shakeup, but a substandard grappling hook and an obscene number of fetch quests in which players take luggage for walkies isn’t it. Such banality permeates what is otherwise a decent enough shooter, impacting so many other elements that it wrecks things. Adding to that is a one-note tone and huge technical difficulties, making Borderlands 4 a far from “premium” game.
I can’t fault the work that’s gone into making the collection, but it is a collection of clapped out garbage. They put in way too much effort to make the videogame equivalent of those novelty VHS tapes in the 90s that nobody was ever really expected to watch but got as gag gifts on Christmas.
Cronos: The New Dawn is far and away the best work Bloober Team’s put out and a splendid survival horror game in its own right. What starts as a post-pandemic Dead Space cover version becomes its own brand of scary that conditions paranoia into its players with undeniable expertise. There's a great script to go with the A-grade psychological puppeteering, and the whole package deserves to be seen as a genre classic.
If nothing else, I can say I felt just as awed upon defeating The End as I always have done after fighting that wonderful old bastard, so I’m pretty confident Delta’s nailed it.
Shinobi: Art of Vengeance is a very well put together game. Slick presentation, watertight controls, and clever level design combine in a wonderful return for Joe Musashi. It might not be enough of a challenge for some, and it has some issues with upping its ante, but overall? Quality stuff.
Nintendo’s been a seedy dumpster of late, and Donkey Kong Bananza alone won’t redeem it, but it is a reminder that the company still houses some of the best talent in the game making business. It doesn’t quite have the variety and spark of Mario Odyssey, though it does offer a lot of the same rewarding collectathon structure. Unlike most of the ground beneath DK’s feet, it’s really solid stuff.
A lot of flash and some substance, it’s a very fun game in a package that doesn’t live up to its massive potential, much less the massive price tag it’s introduced to mainstream gaming.
Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is the epitome of an instant classic. Its premise alone had something special to it, but no elevator pitch could have prepared me for how the thing blossoms and blossoms and blossoms. Exciting battles and beautiful writing unfold in a world that looks and sounds sublime, all of it pulled off with unbelievable style. I’m in genuine awe of the accomplishment.
Centum is a gripping point-and-click trip, drawing players in with disturbing imagery and a disquieting atmosphere before laying on a terrific critique of generative AI - as well as the kind of people who want to exploit it. Striking a nice balance between enigma and clarity, it presents a world you can’t fully trust contrasted against sincere messaging.
It’s a delightful adventure, dripping in imagination. It’s a saturated mess, prone to tedium. It has a knack for redefining itself in truly engrossing ways. It has a mean spirit that facilitates truly vulgar environmental design. Its world is breathtaking and vast. Its world is hateful and myopic. It sounds incredible. It sounds unbearable. It’s intensely absorbing. It’s offputtingly self-indulgent.
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