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Hey Poor Player

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1623 games reviewed
73.9 average score
80 median score
59.9% of games recommended

Hey Poor Player's Reviews

4 / 5.0 - Garlic
Jul 6, 2023

I honestly found Garlic a joy to play, steep challenge and all. While the game may be a little intimidating to some, I found it quite engaging. It features a diversity of content, crazy challenges, great visuals, and a style that was quite unlike anything in recent years. If you’re not worried about dying a few dozen times, I’d say any fan of platformers or old-school games should give this a try.

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4 / 5.0 - Sludge Life 2
Jul 6, 2023

Sludge Life 2 is another gaming triumph given to us by the delightfully deranged team behind the first iteration. Everything about Sludge Life 2 builds upon the amazing original, its wacky humor and over the top narrative pushing new boundaries while staying totally on brand. Sludge Life 2 had some big, muddy shoes to full, but it did so with cleverness and competence. If you want a uniquely unhinged gaming experience, Sludge Life 2 is ripe for tagging.

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“Shadow Over Morrowind” may be ESO‘s overarching theme for this year, but The Elder Scrolls Online: Necrom promises to be anything but dark and dreary for players… metaphorically speaking, of course. Necrom itself is pretty gloomy, and Apocrypha is… well, you’ll just have to see that one for yourself.

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Jul 2, 2023

If you’re after a passable RTS, there are worse options to plump for than Dark Descent. Ably evoking the claustrophobic and unsettling mood of the Alien franchise, Dark Descent may please fans of the franchise with its desperate firefights and tense stealth sections. However, it doesn’t push the envelope in regards to anything it does, failing to wholly immerse you in its story thanks to mediocre dialogue and vapid characters, compromised by finnicky management systems, leaving you confined to a temporarily terrifying but otherwise banal and toothless RTS. It may be tempting for Alien devotees, but don’t be surprised if Dark Descent devours your patience quicker than an alien pouncing on its military prey.

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Jul 1, 2023

I may be a diehard classic Final Fantasy fan at heart, but there’s no getting past the fact that this game, with all of its high-octane, DMC-inspired action, is an absolutely phenomenal example of RPG craftsmanship. Setting out in a new direction once again, the oft-bitter, yet irresistibly engaging story and addictive, action-focused gameplay allow Final Fantasy XVI to stand tall as a phenomenal example of contemporary video game craftsmanship.

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Jun 28, 2023

Comfortingly, AEW: Fight Forever fits into a snug middle-ground, where it’s neither a huge triple-A feast, nor a dainty indie curiosity. It’s just a pretty damn cool wrestling game, delivering arcadey grappling, awesome minigames, and an enjoyably moreish Road To Elite career mode. The simplified fighting systems may feel lightweight next to the competition, but they allow Fight Forever to feel like a proper pick-up-and-play wrestling game. As long as you don’t go in demanding a gigantic roster, an exhaustive list of moves, and plenty of match types, this will be the wrestling videogame you’ve waited a very long time for. Like the tag team of Max Caster and Anthony Bowens, AEW: Fight Forever is The Acclaimed.

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Jun 27, 2023

Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective was a fantastic DS remaster candidate for several reasons, including its acclaim and low reliance on the top DS screen. It stands to reason that a modern console and PC refresh would be met with excitement from both fans of the original and those who never got to play it the first time around, but to say that expectations were exceeded would be an understatement. If you’re even remotely curious about the title or want to see how 3/DS remasters should be done, it’s really no mystery that you should pick up Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Dave the Diver
Jun 27, 2023

Dave the Diver was crafted by video game visionaries with a pure love of fun. I have never seen a game jampack so much into one seemingly tiny title and somehow make it all work with the clarity of something smaller in scope. Dave the Diver doesn’t just deserve your attention, it demands it, and if you’ve been waiting for your sign to dive into this addicting game, I’m telling you now it’s time to take the plunge.

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3.5 / 5.0 - Decarnation
Jun 23, 2023

Had Decarnation not fumbled with its gameplay, I’d probably be giving this a perfect score. Its disturbing, yet engaging narrative, and top-notch presentation all come together in a way that somehow managed to exceed my already lofty expectations that the preview build had left me with. It’s just a shame, then, that those gameplay issues are so very intrusive. All too often I had my immersion broken and found my interest in continuing through Gloria’s plight waning due to how often Decarnation forces the player into irritating mini-games, or fussy stealth segments. On the whole, though, Decarnation still ends up being more than the sum of its parts, and I can confidently say that it’s worth the time of any horror fan.

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Jun 21, 2023

Twenty years since Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life first released on the GameCube, it’s disappointing that this modern reimagining is such a half-baked effort that’s considerably grind-inducing and disappointingly lacking in meaningful social interactions. Yes, A Wonderful Life has a beautiful and welcoming heart and presence, and the remake does do a serviceable job of updating a two-decade-old game for modern standards, and it can be a worthwhile and relaxing time if you aren’t so demanding for change. But there’s so much tedium to endure it’s hard to remain interested, especially when there are far more inviting alternatives out there.

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The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is a complete triumph and an instant contender for Game of the Year. While no game is truly perfect, it follows up a title that many of us would consider one of the very best ever made and manages to improve on it in nearly every way. Believe the hype. If you have any way to play Tears of the Kingdom, you owe it to yourself to do so as soon as possible.

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Jun 19, 2023

I’ve really enjoyed some of DON’T NOD’s games and found a lot to love in Harmony: The Fall of Reverie. Beautiful art, a fantastic soundtrack, two interesting worlds, and an intricately designed system designed to really make your choices matter are all worth exploring. Ultimately though, thinly drawn characters and too often feeling like I was being forced down a specific path instead of getting to enjoy the choices the game is designed around kept me from falling in love with Harmony.

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Jun 19, 2023

The return of Layers of Fear is a welcome one thanks to the power and immersion provided by Unreal Engine 5, meaningfully evolving Layers of Fear in a way you simply won’t ever want to look back from. The environmental details and subtleties are undoubtedly impressive and worthy of kudos. However, save for the overhauled ambience and a decent new chapter, the gameplay remains disappointingly unchanged and overly tedious. Though the atmosphere is suitably spooky, the genuine scares never come. To its credit, it does try to get you when you’re unaware, but it’s hard to feel the jolt of the jump scares on offer because they aren’t set up well enough to surprise you. As a polished reworking of Layers of Fear, this latest entry is aesthetically pleasing, it just needed to be a scarier game.

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Jun 16, 2023

The Etrian Odyssey Origins Collection is a perfect example of challenging dungeon-crawling action at its finest with just the right amount of HD polish, and I couldn’t be happier that it found its way onto the Switch. I can’t say for certain what this means for Etrian Odyssey as a whole. But, whether it means we’ll continue to see re-releases of older games, or perhaps even see new ones, so long as Etrian Odyssey lives on, then I’ll be happy.

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Jun 15, 2023

Process of Elimination was full of surprises in more ways than one. Its twists and turns make for a great murder mystery that visual novel fans will want to sink their teeth into, but the comically brief tutorial of the investigative segments may lock players out of the entire experience. If you’re twiddling your thumbs waiting for another Danganronpa title and have 10 – 15 hours to kill, Process of Elimination issues this challenge: don’t get eliminated!

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4 / 5.0 - Humanity
Jun 13, 2023

Despite those issues though, Humanity is never less than an engaging puzzle game. Wrapping my brain around these levels was a joy, and the fact that players can make their own levels means I’ll be checking back in periodically to see what new ways players have found to twist my mind into pretzels. Humanity might be a second-tier game from Enhance, but that still puts it far ahead of most of the puzzle genre.

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3 / 5.0 - F1 23
Jun 13, 2023

Far be it to appear crotchety, but F1 23 is yet another yearly Formula One game that sports only incremental improvements, many of which are minor or otherwise injected with travail. Yes, it’s harsh to expect a yearly entry in a sports franchise to totally change the game, but F1 23 could’ve at least conjured up a feature that’d plant a seed for something extraordinary in future entries. But alas, it’s a mostly-safe F1 game riding on the successes of previous F1 installments. Braking Point 2.0 does offer some solid (if sometimes cringe-inducing) drama, the driving mechanics and presentation continue to impress, and generally, to an outlier, this is one fabulous F1 game. However, resting on your laurels only gets you so far, and F1 23 has failed to move the needle in regards to making F1 games even more compelling than they already are. By all means, pick up and relish another core EA and Codemasters F1 outing, but it’s time the series stopped playing it safe and gave us something audaciously new.

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3 / 5.0 - DOOMBLADE
Jun 13, 2023

I really hate dunking on a cute, creative Metroidvania like DOOMBLADE, but I feel it just fails to make the game approachable and enjoyable. Much as I wanted to get lost in this dark, humorous world, the core mechanics never got more intuitive or fun, making the entire experience a slog. That said, there’s definitely a great game in here somewhere for those willing to push through the pain to find it.

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Jun 12, 2023

Forspoken: In Tanta We Trust is a narratively enticing piece of DLC whose tiny explorable area and lackluster magic system might scare away those looking for a follow-up with a little more oomph. It’s also worth noting that the very end of the DLC sequel baits hard. And, while I’m not sure that Frey’s second journey will ever come to fruition (I’m very aware of everything that’s been going on), In Tanta We Trust, despite its flaws, did help me to look forward to that Forspoken follow-up… if and when it happens.

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Jun 9, 2023

If you’re looking for a bullet-hell shooter that demands pixel-perfect skills and pattern memorization, you’re not going to find that here. Dogfight: A Sausage Bomber Story is about as casual as a shoot-’em-up as you’ll likely come across. But don’t pass it up like you might a sad gas station roller dog languishing under a flickering heat lamp. With a beefy and satisfying upgrade system and spicy four-player co-op, it might just be a hit at your next gaming gathering. If you have three friends to bring along for the ride, there’s a good chance you’ll relish your time with Dogfight: A Sausage Bomber Story.

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