Hey Poor Player Outlet Image

Hey Poor Player

Homepage
1788 games reviewed
74.2 average score
80 median score
62.0% of games recommended

Hey Poor Player's Reviews

Look, I know I’ve been piling on the praise in this review, but believe me when I say this is a game that deserves every last bit of it. I’ve probably played hundreds of them over the years. However, precious few manage to do what Dotemu and Tribute Games have managed to do here. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge is nothing short of lightning in a bottle; one of those rare examples of a game that simply doesn’t miss a beat from the moment it starts until the credits roll. Sure, you may come for the nostalgia and irresistible retro-inspired presentation, but it’s the rock-solid core mechanics that offer the perfect balance of depth and approachability that will keep you coming back time and time again. If that sounds even remotely up your alley, then go, ninja, go, ninja, go and add this game to your collection. It’s a true testament to Turtle Power.

Read full review

Jun 15, 2022

The Caligula Effect 2 is far from unique. It wears its influences front and center and isn’t quite on the same level as any of the modern Persona titles. There are only a few of those, though, and if you’ve played them and want something more, then The Caligula Effect 2 is absolutely worth checking out. With an interesting battle system, appealing characters, and a killer soundtrack, I consistently had a good time until the credits rolled.

Read full review

3.5 / 5.0 - Bad Writer
Jun 10, 2022

Bad Writer feels uncomfortably realistic at times. Sure, it sometimes feels good (or maybe even necessary) to spend all day in bed or chilling in front of the TV, but the depression that follows afterwards can be all too real. Although it feels perhaps a little too short, there’s something oddly special about Bad Writer; the dread and excitement of trying to follow your dreams, the anxiety of waiting to discover if your work was accepted or rejected, and the daily struggle are all surprisingly poignant. If you’re looking for a unique life-sim that won’t always be particularly relaxing, Bad Writer might be the game for you.

Read full review

Jun 8, 2022

Cowards who love horror games, rejoice! For in TAPE: Unveil The Memories we have a psychological thriller title that offers plenty of eerie ambiance without a total barrage of cheap jumpscares. Oh sure, there’s definitely a haunting tale to be had here, but one that will only raise the blood pressure a little bit. If you’re looking for a standard horror game experience, you’ll have to look elsewhere, but if you’re after a thriller game that offers an interesting puzzle mechanic and scintillating story full of secrets to uncover, TAPE: Unveil The Memories is just waiting for you to press play.

Read full review

Jun 7, 2022

I really wanted to love Kao the Kangaroo. And while I did enjoy parts of it, the severe glitch I encountered kept me from progressing like I had expected to and effectively kept me from actually beating the game. Once Nintendo gets around to implementing the patch, I could potentially recommend the experience. But until version 1.2 goes live, I cannot recommend it to other platformer fans in good conscience.

Read full review

3 / 5.0 - Burnit Quest
Jun 7, 2022

If you’ve ever wondered “what’s the absolute bare minimum exercise I can do in a video game” Burnit Quest might be the answer you’re looking for. This is probably the best video game for people who have all the excuses in the world not to workout but should really just get up and move for a few minutes throughout the day (AKA, me). Although I do wish the controls were less clunky when it comes to punching and jumping, I feel like I got what I came for, which is some decent cardio in-between my real-life work meetings. If you’re looking for an exercise video game to jumpstart your fitness in a seriously undemanding way, Burnit Quest will help you pick up the pace.

Read full review

Jun 6, 2022

Despite not being drawn in by the hunt for high scores, the interesting twists TOKOYO puts on action platforming did grab my attention. Movement feels great, and having to approach situations with combat as a last resort instead of my main plan required me to think my way up the Tower of Perpetuity. If that sounds like it’s for you, then definitely check this one out.

Read full review

For long-time fans of Miku, those who just want to dive into their favorite songs and challenge themselves, Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix+ is a dream. The pure variety of songs available and the series’ trademark gameplay will keep them busy for a long time, and that’s not even accounting for the options that the series being available on PC will provide to the community. While new players may find the lack of gameplay modes a bit off-putting, smart choices like challenge time should help them ease their way into the series’ style if they stick with it.

Read full review

The Centennial Case: A Shijima Story is absolutely one of the better murder mystery FMVs out there, bringing together acting portions with interesting mechanics and a stellar story with a surprising twist. Although the mechanics did feel a bit at odds with each other at times, it doesn’t stop The Centennial Case: A Shijima Story from being a truly fascinating experience that was hard to put down. If you love a good murder mystery that plays like a movie but makes you feel like you’re reading an Agatha Christie novel (albeit in Japan), The Centennial Case: A Shijima Story has waited a century for you to try it out.

Read full review

The Darkside Detective: A Fumble in the Dark’s new levels mean it’s absolutely time to play this spooky pixel art gem. With nine spooky cases to solve as Detective McQueen with Officer Dooley by your side, the occult simply doesn’t stand a chance. Don’t let this pixel art point and click haunt your backlog any longer — pick up The Darkside Detective: A Fumble in the Dark and crack the original six scenarios plus the three new bonus cases before they drag you to the Dark Side.

Read full review

2.5 / 5.0 - Freezer Pops
Jun 6, 2022

Much like its inspiration, Freezer Pops is a one-note experience. We all know the narrative is just a flimsy pretext for getting these guys into ostensibly sexy situations. It only takes a few hours to complete, and there’s little reason to revisit it. It’s kind of a wild ride while it lasts, though.

Read full review

Jun 5, 2022

Touken Ranbu Warriors is an extremely difficult sell for fans of Omega Force’s previous work, given how stripped back a product it is. Small scale battles that can be over in minutes, along with a complete absence of any meaningful progression or grind, completely rip the heart and soul from the now infamous 1 vs. 1000 formula. If you’re a fan of the Touken Ranbu franchise who has yet to sample a Warriors game, then you may find some joy in the depiction of the Touken Ranbu universe and the accessible nature of everything. For everyone else, however, it’s safe to say you can avoid this and hold out for the imminent release of Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, which should hopefully have a little more meat on its bones for longtime Musou fans.

Read full review

3.5 / 5.0 - Divination
Jun 2, 2022

Divination is unique, and explores some pretty intense topics, with an appropriately dark art style to match its themes. It definitely gives off vibes of those 80’s dystopian sci-fi films, which all focus on the same question: are any of us truly in charge of our own fates?

Read full review

3.5 / 5.0 - Cotton Fantasy
May 31, 2022

It’s a fun time, and it’s great to see Cotton back after so long. Trying to shove so many different gameplay styles for all of these guest characters was definitely ambitious and I applaud the developers for trying, but next time around I’d much rather they focus on moving this series forward and making the best Cotton game they can.

Read full review

5 / 5.0 - Souldiers
May 31, 2022

Just in case I haven’t made it clear enough, Souldiers is absolutely a modern-day classic. It’s also in the running for my favorite game of 2022—it’s really just that good. Between its engaging level design, gorgeous visual appearance, addictive combat mechanics, and its class-based system giving it three times the replaybility… you really owe it to yourself to get this game if you consider yourself a Metroidvania fan.

Read full review

4 / 5.0 - Moo Lander
May 31, 2022

You can’t make a premise like this up, folks. You’re a flying saucer abducting alien cows and there’s just something funny and wacky about it all. Yet, I walked away from Moo Lander rather impressed at the level of quality here. While the titular cow battles do need some revamping to bring in the fun factor, I can easily forgive that for the gorgeous art, very competent and solid gameplay, and surprisingly in-depth worldbuilding. If you’re looking for something a little out-of-this-world to spice up your starry night, take a flight to the neatest Metroidvania this side of the Milky Way.

Read full review

May 26, 2022

Vampire: The Masquerade – Swansong does wonderfully with creating an engaging atmosphere and has some legitimately creative ideas, but its overall execution still leaves much to be desired. I can appreciate an entirely combat-free RPG, but I think that you’re going to have to do more than occasionally let players unlock certain dialogue choices or bypass locks by leveling up specific skills. I’m not too worried, though. This series has been going on for a long time, and while this game may have Swansong in its title, I doubt it’s the last Vampire: The Masquerade game we’ll be seeing. And, hopefully, the next one will have just a little bit more polish.

Read full review

4.5 / 5.0 - Rogue Legacy 2
May 25, 2022

Rogue Legacy 2 offers so many options when it comes to classes, upgrades, and ways to play it that anyone remotely open to the roguelite genre should check it out. I might have asked for a bit more direction in how to approach certain upgrade paths since the volume of choices can be borderline overwhelming, but it’s a minor quibble when everything else about the game is so fantastic. Rogue Legacy 2’s memorable world and overflowing personality will keep you invested until the very end.

Read full review

4 / 5.0 - Sniper Elite 5
May 25, 2022

Sniper Elite 5 opts for refinement over reinvention, and that’s absolutely fine when the building blocks of its predecessor were already stellar. Its tense sniping action and massive sandboxes are best in class for the series, allowing for creativity and player agency in a way that so few action games do. If you can overlook a narrative that suffers from fatigue due to its subject matter and the somewhat clumsy way in which Karl interacts with his surroundings, then Sniper Elite 5 and its open-ended approach to gameplay provide a stunning, experimental sandbox that you will likely find yourself returning to again and again.

Read full review

May 24, 2022

RiffTrax: The Game is a must have for fans of RiffTrax and Mystery Science Theater 3000, but it also belongs in the library of anyone who loves laugh out loud party games like What the Dub and Quiplash. Even if those titles don’t immediately tickle your funny bone upon reading them, it’s hard to argue with the price, considering how many people can play for hours on end. If you can’t help but watch a good bad movie with your mouth, RiffTrax: The Game is absolutely for you.

Read full review