Jed Whitaker's Reviews
If you're thinking about playing RiME, I urge you to do so elsewhere and at a price point you're comfortable with.
You know the most messed up thing though? I played through this entire game and even got all but one of the in-game achievements because I'm clearly a masochist. It really pains me to say that getting the last achievement would certify me as "skilled Magical Girl" and I don't think I'll ever get it. I just can't bring myself to grind through more of Vroom in the Night Sky just to buy all the shitty mopeds just to get a meaningless reward that probably changes nothing.
With only ten levels you'd think Commander Cherry's Puzzled Journey was over far too soon, but it was quite the opposite; I couldn't wait for this yoga-like Hell to be over. Knowing the game was made by only two people makes me feel a bit like a yogasshole by saying this game is yogawful, but this is one cherry pit I couldn't wait to spit out.
Seriously, though, this budget-priced cash-in should be avoided at all costs, even if you're a die-hard fan of the shows. And parents, please don't ruin your kids' childhood by buying them this piece of trash. Instead, just loudly have sex in the next room over. Trust me, that one leaves a mark.
The whole package feels extremely light on content, and even a bit rushed. With reused assets, features missing that were in previous titles, added microtransactions, a lack of characters, and lots of grinding, it is hard to recommend this to even the most titty-starved gamer. You'd be better served watching videos of the spicier scenes online or just going to any number of free porn sites, thus saving yourself the time, money, and brain cells that would otherwise be spent on this.
Overlord: Fellowship of Evil is an experience I'll be glad to forget: a mindless, tedious, boring excuse for a game that tortures the player throughout, much like the characters in the game torturing the poor souls of the innocent. Maybe that is the point and Codemasters has done an amazing piece of art. As if.
Balan Wonderworld is just plain bad. Apart from its terrible costume system, it does nothing new and just poorly copies things that other 3D platformers have already done better.
Contra: Rogue Corps is a game that is so bad, I can't recommend anyone buy it for any price
Generation Zero is a beautiful, broken, and boring jog through 1980s Sweden with a side of stealth and robots.
Past Cure is the worst game I’ve played this year, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The whole experience feels like a fan game made by someone really into Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid, and Quantum Break as it desperately tries to combine elements from all those games but fails to capture what made those games great.
Bombshell is an overpriced buggy mess of a game, don't shell out money for this bomb.
Gemini had so much potential that is squandered by poor execution.
Cyan seem to be stuck in the past as it continuously tries to make Myst a thing again, but the adventure genre has advanced far past that now with games like The Talos Principle and The Witness putting this game to shame. Obduction feels like a game that belongs in the 1990s with a modern-day coat of paint. If you haven't played an adventure game since then, you might be pleasantly surprised, but I'd have rather spent my time replaying Firewatch, Oxenfree, or any number of other quality adventure titles instead of this buggy mess.
The story threatens to be interesting, but is laughably bad, as is the dialogue in the game (such as the lady who constantly talks about being "punished"). I'll give it this, it has a pretty cool version of Moonlight Sonata as part of its soundtrack. At least Phantom Dust dared to try something different, which is more than can be said for most AAA games these days.
Here's a box quote for you: Uno is a shining example of misleading marketing and a great argument for Xbox Live to adopt Steam's refund practices.
This just feels like an all around sloppy port that was quickly pushed out to try to score some cash off of Friday the 13th's bungled release. The console version doesn't even include all the download content released for PC, including the Halloween DLC with Michael Myers. The mouse-like controls in the menus, coupled with the fact that most all the actions are mapped to the triggers and shoulder buttons, makes it feel like whoever ported this doesn't play consoles to begin with (thankfully you can remap the controls). The bugs and ugly graphics might be excusable if the game were fun to play, but to me, it just isn't due to a lack of balance and the need to work with your team in an era where no one talks to strangers in online games anymore.
I'm a huge fan of the beat-'em-up genre. It can be rather repetitive, but typically that can be overlooked as the games tend to be rather short. Zombie Vikings, however, overstays its welcome and starts to get rather monotonous around halfway through. While it tries to throw in some interesting levels and boss fights, those mostly end up falling flat, just like the humor. On top of all that, the game is buggy with screen-tearing issues, subtitles not working properly, and glitches preventing levels from being completed.
Party Planet is 30 awful mini-games, 12 of which can only be played solo. It's really bad.
The Assembly is an ugly, jagged mess that is just plain dull with lengthy load times and nauseating gameplay
I just wish I loved the rest of the game as much as I love the concept and art style. The music is repetitive and worse than what you'd hear on an elevator, and the randomness of the difficulty just isn't fun, at all. You could even say it's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.