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Hey Poor Player

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1633 games reviewed
73.9 average score
80 median score
60.1% of games recommended

Hey Poor Player's Reviews

Jun 30, 2020

My biggest issue, which I think universally everyone has, is the writing. Mostly, that though well-intended, the pacing is incredibly off for a videogame and takes too long to develop. Still, if you stick with it, it proves to be one of the most violent and emotionally exhausting games you’ll ever play. It makes me reevaluate the relationships that matter most in my life. Though mostly, it makes me just want to hug my dad.

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3.5 / 5.0 - Summer in Mara
Jun 29, 2020

Summer in Mara is a nice chillout game you can take totally at your own pace, even if the lack of challenge and excitement will surely frustrate many players. It’s very much an ideal game for children or those who want to take a break from the stresses, fears, and pressures of modern life, which right now is very much understandable! Though I certainly didn’t feel thrilled or captivated playing it, I do anticipate returning periodically returning to the sweet, summery world of Mara from time to time when the cold cruel world is grinding me down under its relentless wheel!

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Jun 26, 2020

As a longtime fan of the Thunder Force series, I couldn’t be happier to see SEGA AGES Thunder Force AC soar onto the Switch. With a satisfying blend of challenging gameplay, great visuals, and an incredible soundtrack courtesy of composer Toshiharu Yamanishi, it’s an exceptional shooter that no fan of the series should miss.

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It doesn’t matter if it’s the first, second, or tenth time that I’m playing this game; my opinion of this game is always going to be the same. Building upon an already impressive legacy, The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III continues to live up to—and in many cases—exceed my expectations of what a contemporary JRPG masterpiece aught to be.

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Jun 26, 2020

I was so, so excited for The Academy: The First Riddle, and although I feel pretty letdown by the experience, I believe there’s still something to it. It’s entirely possible that the dev team works everything out within the next few months and the flaws are ironed out, leaving only pure puzzle goodness to grace our screens.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Waking
Jun 18, 2020

As long as you are entirely truthful and lay bare your soul to the title, Waking is by far the most deeply personal, deeply moving experience in video game history.

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3.5 / 5.0 - Samurai Shodown
Jun 16, 2020

Despite its uneven online play and frustrating load times, Samurai Shodown is still a game that fans of the fighter genre won’t want to miss – so long as they have a few friends play against locally. With a colorful (though somewhat limited) cast of characters, a wealth of game modes, and some smart evolutions of its tried and true formula, it’s still one of the best games in the series to date. Here’s hoping the game’s PC community grows, and SNK can iron out the few kinks that hold Samurai Shodown back from being the brawler to beat.

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2.5 / 5.0 - Those Who Remain
Jun 15, 2020

Those Who Remain is a Frankenstein of cool concepts lifted from other horror games and shoddily reconstituted into a mishmash of mediocrity. It’s got some of the ingredients of a good horror game, but they mesh together like pizza and ice cream. Though the game doesn’t deserve to be cast into hell for eternity, it definitely has some mistakes that are hard to forgive.

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Jun 14, 2020

1971 Project Helios takes tactics to a different level by forcing the player to act. Released on every major console, it is evident by the game’s end that it desires to be a continuing series. And while its a decent tactical strategy game, it’s also a bit boring because it fails to integrate its surprisingly in-depth characters and stories organically into the videogame itself. Still, the campaign was fun for what it was, and I do hope if a sequel happens, it’ll integrate more of its own story.

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4 / 5.0 - Beyond Blue
Jun 13, 2020

Beyond Blue has a familiar objective when it comes to educational games focusing on the ocean, but it approaches the objective with a novel narrative. It will certainly appeal to any aspiring marine biologists or those looking for something more educational when it comes to ocean exploration games. If you’re looking for a way to relax alongside gentle giants in their (virtual) natural habitat and want to possibly learn something along the way, look no further than Beyond Blue.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Persona 4 Golden
Jun 13, 2020

Persona 4 Golden on PC could probably benefit from some added optimization. The occasional blurry visuals and dips in performance are surprising missteps that slightly blemish what is otherwise an outstanding game. But it’s easy to overlook its minor quirks when considering just how engrossing of an experience the game offers. If you’re an RPG fan who somehow managed to miss out on the original release, then adding this to your Steam library should be a no-brainer. And if you already played and enjoyed Persona 4 but have yet to see everything Persona 4 Golden has to offer because you didn’t own Vita or a PlayStation TV, then there’s never been a better time to tune into the Midnight Channel.

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3 / 5.0 - Masky
Jun 13, 2020

I don’t deny the hard work that the developers put into porting Masky to the Nintendo Switch; however, I can’t understand why its current pricepoint is five times more expensive than the Steam version. Had it been cheaper — even $2.99 — I would think of the Switch version of Masky much more positively, but for a game that will likely be played for less than an hour and then retired forever, it really shouldn’t cost so much. If you have any interest whatsoever in an insanely easy pick-up-and-play game, Masky satisfies, although I recommend getting it for mobile — for free — instead.

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Jun 9, 2020

Though you might not find anything new here if you’ve played through Ys: Memories of Celceta before, Ys is just one of those series that is consistently fun to go back to no matter how many times you play it.

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Jun 8, 2020

Even after that rant about the game crashing at the end, I’d still say that Dungeon of the Endless is a fairly enjoyable and very unique experience. Despite the fact that it’s been out for six years already, it doesn’t feel all too old, and the mechanics, while a little too hectic for my tastes, could easily find a fanbase of its own (and undoubtedly already has).

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4.5 / 5.0 - Sludge Life
Jun 7, 2020

From giant babies to vampires, from talking cats to cats with two buttholes, to snakes in toilets and a guy wearing the exact same pattern as the wallpaper in an attempt to hide from his murderous roommate, Sludge Life is wonderfully mad.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Astrologaster
Jun 2, 2020

From start to finish, Astrologaster delivers; if you enjoy games off the beaten path that so brilliantly achieve all their goals, then our astrological readings indicate you’ll love Astrologaster. It’s in the stars!

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May 28, 2020

While the game is undoubtedly starting to show its age, Rebellion has done an excellent job of bringing this cult classic to the Switch while sacrificing surprisingly little in the process. With a lengthy campaign, addicting horde mode, and some of the best cooperative gameplay you can find on the Switch, it’s a gleefully gory shooter that no fans of the genre should pass up.

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3 / 5.0 - Turmoil
May 27, 2020

As far as an audience goes, Turmoil is pretty niche. That in itself isn’t a bad thing—there are plenty of cool niche games out there—but I’m at a bit of a loss as to who this game’s target demographic is. It’s kind of fun, yeah, and it kept me entertained for a while, but it’s too long for its own good, and, much like most flash games, I eventually found my mind wandering to what other games I’d rather be playing,

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3.5 / 5.0 - Maneater
May 26, 2020

With its unique premise and a great sense of humor, Maneater’s 12-hour campaign is a fun feeding frenzy while it lasts. However, the game’s occasionally repetitive quests, coupled with its spotty performance, make it feel more like a quick and dirty trip to Long John Silver’s than a bountiful seafood feast for starving RPG fans. Still, if these issues aren’t enough to keep you from wanting to take the plunge, then you might just enjoy sinking your teeth into Maneater.

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May 25, 2020

Animal Crossing‘s original vision had humble goals in facilitating local communication with friends and family; now, New Horizons confidently stars on the global stage by readily shattering virus-devised boundaries for the sake of vital human interaction.

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