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Hey Poor Player

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1623 games reviewed
73.9 average score
80 median score
59.9% of games recommended

Hey Poor Player's Reviews

Jan 18, 2023

Though I was hoping to start the new year on a high note, Wings of Bluestar just wasn’t up to snuff. It’s not a horrible game, but it’s incredibly mediocre, with bland design, poor writing, and generic boss battles. While it’s relatively affordable, it’s nevertheless very hard to recommend to hardcore Shmup fans.

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Jan 17, 2023

I came into Monster Hunter Rise with a little bit of hesitation, as I was never really into this series of games. The learning curve is high, and the controls felt unintuitive when I tried out World back in the day. Fortunately, Capcom has made Rise the most accessible entry to date, with in-depth tutorials and a well-paced ramp up of mechanics. All the while, it retains an extensive experience for veteran players to dive deep into and enjoy for countless hours. With fast loading times, an impressive 120 fps mode, and added immersive features, Monster Hunter Rise on PlayStation 5 is a must-play for any fans of the franchise and newcomers looking to get into the hobby of hunting monsters.

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Jan 17, 2023

Even as it nears its fifteenth anniversary, Persona 4 Golden is still one of the best RPGs ever made and an absolute must-play for fans of the genre or really anyone who has spent all of these years wondering what the big deal is. This isn’t a case of having to choose style or substance. Persona 4 Golden has more of both than you can fit in a hollow bear suit. Don’t let it pass you by.

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The years of Persona 3 Portable being in its prime at this point have long since passed. However, that doesn’t mean that the game is any less enjoyable or worthwhile than it was in its heyday. Carefully straddling the line between modern and classic Persona titles, Persona 3 Portable is a phenomenal title sporting an enchanting style all of its own and double the content of the original Persona 3. The argument between whether Persona 3 Portable or Persona 3 FES stands as the “ultimate Persona 3 title” is still something that goes on to this day, but Persona 3 Portable will always be the winner in my book.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Trombone Champ
Jan 15, 2023

I may have only spent 6ish hours with Trombone Champ’s main game, but those few hours were spent giggling and guffawing at how silly my mistakes sounded. Given enough time, my mistakes were few and far between, and I truly did become the ultimate Trombone Champ of yore. Trombone Champ may present itself as a novelty title — a joke not meant to be taken seriously — but those who give it a chance will find a surprising amount of polish and sophistication. I never could have predicted that Trombone Champ would become my favorite rhythm/music game of 2022, and if you’re even remotely interested in the title, I’m confident it will be yours too.

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Jan 15, 2023

Most of Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth holds up exceptionally well, in fact. Even 23 years after its initial release, this is still an excellent game. Sure, there are some minor issues, like awkward platforming, that wouldn’t have been good 23 years ago either, but for the most part, they’re minor issues that don’t take away from a game with fascinating mechanics that are still unique after all these years. If you’re a fan of RPGs and haven’t played Valkyrie Profile, don’t wait 23 years as I did. Make sure to check it out.

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4 / 5.0 - Potion Craft
Jan 14, 2023

Potion Craft: Alchemist Simulator is hands down one of the cleverest games on a mechanics level. Players will truly feel like they are crafting brews while connecting to the magical whimsy of the medieval era. Although I wish I was able to get more involved in the world of Potion Craft: Alchemist Simulator, either through story or exploration, the mechanics alone kept me entertained for 40 hours so I can’t complain too much. Even if the rest of the game is a bit shallow, Potion Craft: Alchemist Simulator’s gameplay is something to write home about. Here’s to hoping the dev team can concoct more content in future updates!

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Jan 11, 2023

From its stunning sprite work to its masterful level designs that make full use of your ninja abilities, Vengeful Guardian: Moonrider will keep you glued to your controller until the end credits roll. My only real complaint aside from the relatively easy bosses is that it’s such a short burn. With just eight levels available, skilled players will make their way through the game in just a couple of hours. Still, completionists should be able to squeeze out a few more by unlocking all of the hidden upgrades in each map. When all is said and done, if you’re a fan of games like Shinobi, Hagane: The Final Conflict, or Ninja Gaiden, Vengeful Guardian: Moonrider is a must-play love letter to the ninja action games of the ’90s.

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2.5 / 5.0 - LONE RUIN
Jan 11, 2023

I had really high hopes for Lone Ruin. And while it’s not a horrible game by any stretch, I felt it was really underwhelming. Not only does it lack any replay value, but the core loop features nearly identical stage layouts and a frustrating lack of clear audio cues for enemy attacks. While some may find something to enjoy in the survival mode, I think fans of the rogue genre will be left wanting much more.

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Jan 10, 2023

Breakers Collection is bare bones because there’s not a lot to the Breakers games. They’re mostly fine-fighting games with some balance issues, which stood out on the Neo Geo in the 90s but struggle to do so in 2023 on modern platforms. The new content helps but isn’t enough to make a collection which is barely a collection appealing. I’m glad to see them get a home release because I’m for keeping all games accessible, but they’re not titles I expect to return to regularly, and I expect most fighting game fans will feel the same.

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Jan 5, 2023

There are few things to complain about in Catacomb Kitties outside of what I’ve already iterated above. Really, the only other complaint I can think of is just a shortcoming of the genre itself: playthroughs are just a little too short and a little too repetitive to make you want to invest in more than a half-dozen playthroughs or so. Still, there’s a solid foundation for fun in Catacomb Kitties, with bite-sized runs that can be completed in a single sitting. The unique stats and abilities of each playable cat gives you at least enough replayability to spend more than just a couple hours on the game as well.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Chained Echoes
Dec 31, 2022

I’ve played a lot of retro-inspired games this year, and Chained Echoes easily stands out as one of the best – and it’s not even particularly close. With gorgeous artwork, addicting mechanics, and a world that blends steampunk with high fantasy seamlessly, Chained Echoes is a loving homage to old-school RPGs while still managing to proudly blaze its own path. If you’re looking for a challenging (but not punishing) RPG with an engaging story, enjoyable characters, and mechanics that will keep you coming back for hours at a time, Chained Echoes is an absolute must.

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4 / 5.0 - Melatonin
Dec 29, 2022

Calling Melatonin a chillwave Rhythm Heaven is both accurate and not descriptive enough. Its structure is roughly the same, but its pastel palette, soothing soundtrack, and loose-yet-cohesive approach to storytelling give it its own unique flair. Melatonin may only be a 1 – 2 hour romp through dreamland, but if you really savor its playful art style, brain-melting music, and easily-mastered mechanics, it can quickly become a bedtime routine of its own. And, after popping some melatonin myself, a level or two of Melatonin before I snooze sounds lovely to me.

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4.5 / 5.0 - The Oregon Trail
Dec 28, 2022

With a game like The Oregon Trail, there’s always the concern that it’s simply a cash-grab banking on nostalgia of Millennials and Gen Xers. I’m quite happy to report that isn’t the case here. While there’s clearly a lot of nostalgia to be found, this iteration of The Oregon Trail proudly stands on its own. With one foot in the past and one in the present, it brings together all the best aspects of the original, and adds modern flourishes to give us a near-perfect game. Add in infinite replayability, as well as several different play modes, and this game is an absolute must-have for anybody who grew up with the original.

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4 / 5.0 - High on Life
Dec 28, 2022

Justin Roiland’s stuttering, drunken humor pairs up surprisingly well with a cross between Metroid Prime and Ratchet and Clank. Sure, the story stays on the short side and some of the character writing winds up being hit-or-miss, but if you’re a fan of Roiland’s comic stylings and want to enjoy a playable Rick and Morty episode, you’ll get that and then some with High On Life. Even those who aren’t Roiland aficionados can still enjoy the vibrant planets that are a delight to explore and gameplay that stays fast and fluent.

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Dec 28, 2022

Grid Force: Mask of the Goddess is worth checking out. The only proviso is that you have to be willing to deal with a complex combat system that is often overly demanding. But if you’re open minded and don’t mind a little suffering, this is definitely a title worth investigating.

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Dec 28, 2022

While the game has the same creative forces behind Dead Space, and many of the features are retconned into the game, it’s not quite lived up to my expectations. The game strikes me as a conglomerate of ideas, like a novel approach to dodging, a similar but different storyline, tough combat borrowed from challenging games like Dark Souls, packed into a beautifully presented game. But here’s the thing: all of these ideas sound great in isolation. But the execution here in The Callisto Protocol makes for an inferior gaming experience compared to other titles. It’s almost like all the devs got into one room and pitched a bunch of ideas, smushed them together, without anyone really thinking about their practical application. Is The Callisto Protocol a bad game? No, it isn’t. But is it great? No, it isn’t. Is it worth playing? Yes. But not at this price point.

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Dec 28, 2022

Honestly, Pirate’s Curse refined the franchise the most and gave fans a lot to hope for and look forward to. While I can see an argument that Seven Sirens is the best game of the franchise, for me, that honor belongs to Pirate’s Curse. And this replay on the PlayStation 5 only served to crystalize that fact for me. So, if you haven’t tried it yet, give the best Shantae game a chance and discover why so many people love this underrated franchise.

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Dec 24, 2022

Despite a slow start and some persistent technical issues that are inexcusable, Syberia: The World Before is a fantastic narrative adventure that continues the series in spectacular fashion, and does Benoit Sokal’s legacy proud. It’s not clear where Syberia as a series goes from here now that the Sokal is sadly no longer around to steer the ship, but I have full faith after playing Syberia: The World Before that Microids is more than capable of continuing to deliver more incredible tales in this universe.

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3.5 / 5.0 - The Knight Witch
Dec 24, 2022

Even with flaws, and a few too many mechanics for me to truly get lost in, I had a surprising amount of fun with The Knight Witch. I wouldn’t have thought that a bullet hell SHMUP could fit so smoothly into a Metroidvania, but that aspect of the game worked for me. While its story and characters didn’t connect as strongly as I’d have liked, it has enough personality that players looking for an interesting take on the genre should consider it.

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