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Hey Poor Player

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1623 games reviewed
73.9 average score
80 median score
59.9% of games recommended

Hey Poor Player's Reviews

4 / 5.0 - Welcome to Elk
Feb 19, 2022

Welcome to Elk is a game that’s hard to quantify. Hell, it’s hard to even accurately describe. Somehow, it manages to be moving, mystifying, upsetting, intriguing, stressful, confusing, enlightening, and probably a dozen other contradictory things. Welcome to Elk doesn’t provide satisfying answers or endings. There are few, if any, likable characters. You’ll experience more trauma than you probably want to in just a few, short hours. And at the end of it all, you’re left clutching at the sharp, jagged shards of other people’s emotions, wondering… what do I do now?

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Feb 16, 2022

While its technical shortcomings are hard to ignore, there’s an undeniably solid shooter buried beneath Kingdom of the Dead‘s bumps and bruises. With fantastic presentation and a satisfying arsenal of weapons to wield, it’s a worthwhile throwback to a simpler time when monster closets were plentiful, and stopping to reload your guns was unheard of. If you’re a fan of DOS-era shooters and don’t mind a bit of jank, there are far worse ways to spend a weekend.

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3.5 / 5.0 - Ocean's Heart
Feb 15, 2022

Is Ocean’s Heart worth playing? Absolutely. The low difficulty and complexity make it feel like Zelda for beginners, but that’s not necessarily a fault either. It might not reinvent the wheel, but Ocean’s Heart has just enough heart to make it worth it.

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3.5 / 5.0 - One Hand Clapping
Feb 15, 2022

We should forever remain impressed with One Hand Clapping. It’s fresh and unique in a way that makes you hit your forehead and wonder why you didn’t think of it sooner. But in my heart, I know that One Hand Clapping could have become something so much better had it been a truly solid platformer in its own right, or swung hard into teaching singing, or created deeper, more impactful melodies to really convey a more coherent story. I’m grateful for a game like this to exist, but I can’t deny that the feeling is slightly overshadowed by my eagerness for another title to learn from this one and refine the concept further. Regardless, One Hand Clapping is good now, priced fairly, and definitely deserves your attention… as long as you have a microphone.

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Feb 14, 2022

Strange Horticulture is the botany game of my dreams. It has that research-minded gameplay I’ve been seeking for years. And while its story has a lot of moving parts that makes it hard to shift gears between listening carefully to a few patrons and peeking through a microscope, poring over books, and braving the elements to find exotic flora, it pulls you in with its deeply intriguing mystery nonetheless. I can’t recommend Strange Horticulture enough, and for a multitude of different reasons that all boil down to a unique blend of elements entrenched in an unsettling mystique, I declare this to be the bar by which all other games released in 2022 shall be measured.

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Feb 14, 2022

Dynasty Warriors 9 Empires almost feels like Omega Force trying to apologize for the misstep that was Dynasty Warriors 9. Whilst, admittedly, very little has been done to move the Empires series forward, I think this is exactly what Dynasty Warriors 9 Empires needed to be; comfort food for fans of the franchise who may have been concerned about the trajectory the franchise was on, following the failed open-world experiment. By focusing on providing a familiar blend of strategy and impeccable combat, Omega Force has delivered an experience that feels like it has the interests of the fans at its core. Where Omega Force goes from here with both the mainline entries and subsequent Empires games remains to be seen, but for now, fans can at least enjoy this return to form.

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4 / 5.0 - OlliOlli World
Feb 14, 2022

While I might have liked slightly more memorable levels or stronger personality from the supporting cast, OlliOlli World provides hours of skating bliss with rock-solid controls and a great sense of progression. Once you’re in the zone, it’s easy to lose hours as your quest for Gnarvana provides a sense of gaming nirvana. This one’s definitely worth a look.

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4 / 5.0 - Land of Screens
Feb 12, 2022

Land of Screens may not be the longest game you’ll ever play, but it’s one that, if you let it, has the potential to have the longest impact. Every level has something that will resonate with someone, driving home the point that maybe, just maybe, being terminally online isn’t the way to live life. With cute visuals, soothing audio, casual gameplay, and a tiny pricetag, Land of Screens takes a tired conversation that is oft ignored and repackages it to offer an obvious but fair lesson. Skip on the screen time, but don’t skip on Land of Screens.

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Feb 11, 2022

Baldo: The Guardian Owls may have had a rocky launch, but the issues have been cleaned up to such a degree that the low scores earned months prior don’t necessarily apply anymore. I’d recommend caution before jumping into it, however — even in a perfectly playable state, Baldo: The Guardian Owls is still a polarizing title. If you love cozy aesthetics with design choices that feel more suited for the 90s – 00s, Baldo: The Guardian Owls should definitely be on your Wishlist. If not, well… in the worst case, I’ve found it to be a fantastic cure for my insomnia.

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Feb 11, 2022

The King of Fighters XV is a knockout entry in SNK’s flagship fighting game series. Smartly building upon the foundation of its predecessor, it ups the ante in subtle yet meaningful ways that should satisfy even the most discerning fans of the franchise. While the ways the Rush Combo system has been expanded upon probably won’t change the minds of those unimpressed with it in the previous game and the character selection is slightly pared-down, the rock-solid online performance, breathtaking visuals, and satisfying fighting system that pins it all together will keep you coming back for more.

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4.5 / 5.0 - Infernax
Feb 11, 2022

I’m incredibly glad I got the opportunity to review Infernax. It’s another top notch title from Berzerk Studio, and it’s perfect for fans of platforming and old school challenge. Featuring multiple endings, tons of humor and epic bosses, it’s a game that should be on the radar of every hardcore gamer out there. If you’re a fan of platforming and love letters to games of the past, go buy this game. It’s that simple.

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4 / 5.0 - Grapple Dog
Feb 11, 2022

Grapple Dog may look cute, but it grows more and more challenging the farther you go. It has tight, fast-paced platforming and features a ton of hidden goodies to keep you playing. If you’re at all a fan of the genre, I’d say you need to check Grapple Dog out.

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Feb 10, 2022

It’s actually really hard to find things wrong with Rise of the Third Power. If I had to really nitpick here, I’d say the enemies could use some more lively animations for their attacks, and the dungeons could do without the repeating elements of “find switches and find the bronze/silver/gold keys.” But these are honestly minor in the grand scheme of the game. Rise of the Third Power is a love letter to the games of my youth, and it plucks at those heartstrings with skilled fingers. With a fantastic story, fully-developed, well-written characters, gorgeously pixelated visuals, and a stellar soundtrack, this game is a must-have for fans of old-school RPGs.

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2 / 5.0 - KungFu Kickball
Feb 9, 2022

KungFu Kickball has some strong ideas. They don’t really work, though, and the game never quite manages to live up to its namesake. There’s just so little here, and so much of what is here doesn’t quite feel right. I wish I’d been able to have more fun with it, but as is, I would have a hard time recommending it even if you’re in the target audience.

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3 / 5.0 - Castle Morihisa
Feb 9, 2022

While I can see what Castle Morihisa was going for, and appreciate many elements of the game, the overbearing difficulty kept me from enjoying it more. It may have mimicked the style of Slay the Spire, but it’s a long way from reaching the lofty heights of that game. But if you don’t mind an ego-bruising challenge and enjoy rogue deckbuilders, I’d still check the game out. Unfortunately, for everyone else, it’s probably going to prove too frustrating.

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4 / 5.0 - The Persistence
Feb 8, 2022

As a flat-screen experience, The Persistence is a title that I can’t help but feel is probably best played in VR, where its shortcomings are less likely to detract from the overall experience. That doesn’t mean, however, that if playing in VR isn’t possible for you, you should ignore it. Most importantly, The Persistence nails the fundamentals of the genre so well, with its compelling progression loops and vast scope for build experimentation, that it’s extremely easy to overlook any of the drawbacks.

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4 / 5.0 - Sifu
Feb 6, 2022

Despite some frustrating design choices around progression and a camera which isn’t as consistent as I’d like, I had more fun with Sifu than the vast majority of action games on the market. At the end of the day, it just feels too good to play for me to deny. Even as I replayed levels dozens of times when I really wanted to see what was ahead, I couldn’t put the controller down. That’s the sign of a master right there.

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3 / 5.0 - Maglam Lord
Feb 5, 2022

For the sake of fairness, I’ll admit that I genuinely enjoyed playing through Malgam Lord, and I think that it definitely has a niche fanbase that will enjoy it just as much—if not more than—I did. Despite any personal enjoyment, however, I can’t help but feel as though it’s ultimately a very middling game. While Maglam Lord does have some decent high points in terms of its story and setup, its bland level design, repetitive combat, and compressed crafting system weigh it down to an unfortunate degree.

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Feb 3, 2022

Siberian Mayhem is an entertaining little jaunt for fans of Serious Sam 4. It’s a quick five levels to run through, and I wish it had been a little longer, but for all the new weapons and vehicles it introduces, it keeps the familiar Serious Sam formula fresh and fun without overstaying its welcome. Siberia doesn’t seem an obvious destination for those looking to escape the seasonal bleakness this Winter, but for fans of pulse-pounding action, Siberian Mayhem hits the sweet spot (with a cannonball).

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3 / 5.0 - The Waylanders
Feb 3, 2022

Underneath the intriguing concept and gorgeous graphics, The Waylanders has a somewhat meaty tactical experience wrapped around the bare bones of an RPG. And while it may be light on the actual role-playing elements, there’s enough of a unique spin in terms of story, setting, and battle system that those who prefer mechanics above anything else might have a good time. This is by no means Baldur’s Gate nor Dragon’s Age: like King Ith’s Tuatha de Danaan, those gods aren’t here. I can recommend The Waylanders, but only if expectations are managed accordingly.

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